A Woman's Guide To Saner Living

A Radical Approach To A Holiday Centerpiece

 What woman can't relate to an image of a juggler spinning plates on the end of a rod held by his teeth, while at the same time tossing multiple knives in the air and catching them?  Doing many things at the same time is a woman's forte.  We anticipate, plan, facilitate and worry, all in the service of others, often without being asked.  The difference between a professional juggler and a woman is that juggling balls and plates is entertainment, with applause and compensation.  But being a woman is serious business, often draining  and with little to no pay.  And, boy do women take their role seriously, often to the determent of themselves.  "Others First" seems to be our motto and as soon as everybody is happy and everything is taken care of -- then we will do something for ourselves. The holidays can wreak havoc with our natural tendencies to be over-responsible, pulling on us to create magic for family and friends, leading to exhaustion and a feeling of emptiness.

So here is a radical idea:  MAKE YOURSELF THE CENTERPIECE OF THE HOLIDAYS!  Well, I said it was radical and it probably sounds a bit selfish, too.  But it is not selfish -- it is SELF-FULL.  Making yourself the centerpiece of the holidays means that you take into consideration your needs and desires first and set your holiday up after you know what you want.  It's important to understand what you really want from the holidays.  What do they mean to you?  What feeling do you want to have when you wake up the day after Thanksgiving or Christmas or Hanukkah?   Do you want to recreate some idealized version of childhood or do you want a holiday that reflects the best of your adult self?  Do you want quantity or quality?  Spend some time reflecting on these questions.  It can help to journal about them as well.  Setting your needs up as the centerpiece of your personal holiday expectations has the potential to create wonderful holiday experiences.  Who says holiday centerpieces have to come from craft stores anyway?

Stay tuned to future posts for more ideas and tips on how to keep yourself the centerpiece of your holiday!  Let's hear it for Saner Holiday Living!

Where Do You Take Refuge?

10 Things We Can Do to Contribute to Internal, Interpersonal, and Organizational Peace

(1) Spend some time each day quietly reflecting on how we would like to relate to ourselves and others.

(2) Remember that all human beings have the same needs.

(3) Check our intention to see if we are as interested in others getting their needs met as our own.

(4) When asking someone to do something, check first to see if we are making a request or a demand.

(5) Instead of saying what we DON'T want someone to do, say what we DO want the person to do.

(6) Instead of saying what we want someone to BE, say what action we'd like the person to take that we hope will help the person be that way.

(7) Before agreeing or disagreeing with anyone's opinions, try to tune in to what the person is feeling and needing.

(8) Instead of saying "No," say what need of ours prevents us from saying "Yes."

(9) If we are feeling upset, think about what need of ours is not being met, and what we could do to meet it, instead of thinking about what's wrong with others or ourselves.

(10) Instead of praising someone who did something we like, express our gratitude by telling the person what need of ours that action met.

The Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC) would like there to be a critical mass of people using Nonviolent Communication language so all people will get their needs met and resolve their conflicts peacefully.

Center for Nonviolent Communication

2001, revised 2004 Gary Baran & CNVC. The right to freely duplicate this document is hereby granted.